whatnot and such, per se
musings, nonsense, oddities, rants, observations, beauty, sarcasm, what have you. take it/leave it, if you will.
who arted?
do i not understand art? i guess not...therefore, i should probably shut my mouth about it. but first i want to rant about the spoonbridge and cherry sculpture by claes oldenburg and coosje van bruggen. it's displayed outdoors at the walker art center in minneapolis.

i've never been to the walker. so i've never seen this sculpture in real life. but i see it popping up all over the place as an iconic structure in the twin cities area. marketing materials, vacation photos, whathaveyou. i sense that area residents claim some sort of pride and ownership over this sculpture. and i don't get it. i'd guess that there's a whole lotta radder art housed in the TC area that should be plastered all over their tourist brochures. but who am i?

so here's why i don't like the sculpture. and i know i shouldn't take art so literally, but i think this is exactly my problem when analyzing this piece. so i admit it. however... first, the spoon sucks. what kind of spoon has a ridiculous arch like that? and the angle of the head is obnoxious. good luck getting that into your mouth. you'd likely smack your nose with the back of your fist in an attempt. and the scale of the cherry to the spoon. what the hell? it's like a raisin, not a cherry. puh-leez. if you're going to drop mad bones on something like this and employ professionals to construct it, in the name of art, figure that shit out.

that's pretty much all i got. i think the sculpture and it's iconic stature to the mpls area are overrated. oh yeah, i said it.

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career du jour: ugly
oh god, it was marvelous. on my way home from a late eve of work, i decided to stop at "the goodwill" to browse for a holiday sweater. last year i busted up our office's first annual ugly holiday sweater contest. i won! what a rockstar, right? i'm sure they're glad they hired me. so i can't wear the same one this year, of course. buuuut, mike did already ask me to forgo participation this year due to the economy and the irrelevance to our well-being that this entire shenanigan poses. you know, basically, it's extravagant, even though the sweater i won with last year cost less than 5 bones. and i did win a really cool traveling sweater trophy. and it did bring some glimmer of joy to my otherwise stale 40-hour gig that week. so clearly, i am not in agreement with mike on forgoing the purchase of a 2008 holiday sweater. and this is why i ended up at "the goodwill."

somehow, the holiday sweater was the last item i picked up, after filling a shopping cart with other crap. but, for $3.99, done and done!

more excitingly, i began stumbling across some of the most ugly clothing creations ever made. one after another. no surprise, i'm sure. it's goodwill. a thrift shop. of course there's all kinds of ugly crap. but i suddenly realized how exciting ugly stuff is to me. how near and dear the ugly is to my heart. i started out by trying to quell the passion building up inside me, by passing these things by, but something inside me would not allow this. my heart began racing. adrenaline pumped through my arms and legs. soon, i was returning to the aisles i had previously passed through, grabbing all the ugly things that seemed to be calling my name. i don't think i knew at this point exactly what i intended to do with all these ugly things. i simply knew they'd come in handy someday. sweater parties, 80's parties, perhaps this year's christmas card photo? i'd find an excuse to don these beauties, er, uglies, later. then i began grabbing things that were not my size. it somehow didn't matter. logic vanished under a cloud of ugly. beautiful, beautiful ugly.

soon enough, i had devised a plan for all that ugly in my cart...i would sell it...online...at bargain prices. who doesn't want to be intentionally ugly sometimes? some things are so ugly they're beautiful. so ugly they're rad. so ugly they're ugly and should only be worn to parody a certain time period or culture. like the bill cosby sweater. or the stonewashed era.

so i found it. my niche. my creative outlet and a way that i can shop cheaply and guilt-free, as long as i sell it. and make people happy. and funny. and ug-styley. i looove thrift shopping. watch for me online soon. i've got about a dozen pieces to get started with (see below). sweaters and jumpsuits and retro-shoes galore!

but first, the biggest hurdle in my brand new business plan; discussing with the hub. hmmm. he could see this as a serious venture or just write it off as an erratic attempt to get his okay to buy more crap that makes no sense in my life. well, i was nervous, but once i told him, or really, *showed* him, he was excited, too! i should have known - he's the king of ugly. in fact, he was wearing, by chance, brown tapered jeans as i was telling him the idea. i need to sell those while i'm at it, and fast.

(relevant photo narrative below)

work holiday sweater contest '07. i made it myself. used vest and home-made wall decor from st. vinnies. some thread to attach. viola!

this was the brilliance of my coworker toni. she made it a sweater!

basking in my glory in the corner office.

graciously congratulating the runner up. "better luck next time, LAME-O!"

*******okay...now onto my new merch!*******

"cosby 1"

"80's stripe"

"old person sandals"

"paisley tie"

"orange ladies"

"tupperware pouch"

"stonewashed jumpsuit" - sorry, horrible photo


"ladies' saddle style"

"western blouse"

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the view
i spent an hour or two this morning, all crusty and unshowered, in the same clothes i wore yesterday, with unbrushed teeth and greasy face, drinking coffee and eating toast with butter and salt, watching clips of "the view" on hulu, abc and youtube. ahh, it was glorious. i should have been taking advantage of the sunshine and gotten my ass out to rake my disgraceful yard (and i still should be while typing this). but i must declare...i love that damn show.

whoopie goldberg is amazing. she gets me. elisabeth hasselbeck is hilarious. i really couldn't enjoy the show without her. did you see how snl portrayed her character?! spot ON! the rest of the women on the show totally keep her in check and i love it. babs calls the shots. and i really don't know who the other woman is on the show. oh, and is joy still on the show? i'm not sure where she came from either but she rocks, too.

daytime tv sucks a fatty. but i love the view. that's all.

and in case you did not click on the "snl" link up above, i'm embedding the video because it is too good to miss...

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adventures in canned goods
makin' soup t'night. soupin' make t'night. nightin' soup t'make. makin' soup t'night.

upon digging in my cupboard, i came upon an unfortunate happenstance. i took a pictoral log. join me, will you?

*exhibit a: an unsuspecting array of canned fruits and vegetables. a-ha! sauerkraut will make an excellent addition to my soup t'night.

*exhibit b: woop? wha? hmmm. it appears as though a tiny sauerkraut-dwelling old man is trying to put his large cigar out from the inside of the can.

*exhibit c: let's take a look at this strange protrusion from multiple angles.




exhibit d: it seems to cast a shadow.


*exhibit e: perhaps it would be helpful to showcase the size of the protrusion in comparison with everyday household items.


exhibit f: the time has come. beware the can opener. and the large hand.


exhibit g: pop! pffffsssst! grind, grind, grind. smell that?

exhibit h: note the abnormal color.

exhibit i: view of the inner acute area.

exhibit j: because we cannot stand the smell much longer, in the disposal it goes.

which really only exacerbates the chemicals

exhibit k: the inner can

exhibit l: collecting a scraping for further analysis

exhibit m: a creamy, grey sedimentary paste


exhibit n: piercing it with the tines of a fork, much like the thin layer on the top of a delicious creme brulee.



exhibit o: tetanus

el fin!

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